As long as there has been a mankind, there has been myths and legends amongst the seafarers. Some are rumors. But some have been witnessed by sailors themselves. Those are tales of men; of ships, and the sea, and their bond that reach over the common sense. And all it can be just that - myths. Stories. Until they aren't anymore. Until they become to be true.

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A long ago, in the age of the sail ships, it was said that a knife was the most important tool to a sailor. It was used in daily practice, in quarrels, and it could save your life at the last moment.

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They also say that "the oath of the Blood of the Knife" is never to be taken lightly, that it made men to be brothers beyond reason and that it made crews to a ship's that can serve under only one captain and no other.

 

But who can really believe such things?

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1917

 

         ”Walrus...there!” Hallie jumped forward, pointing with her small, stubby finger at the large map, where the WRENS* had stationed the small ships to show our fleets at sea. I almost missed Hallie's tiny waist and to get a hold of her before she landed on her knee on the edge of the map, trying to find the next ship.

        ”Chira...” Hallie started to struggle, and I can almost see how her forehead wrinkles, and she makes a fist when she understands her mistake.

        The nearby WREN hides her smile quickly. Hallie never gets the small corvette's name right. It is just too hard for a four-year-old to pronounce, but she never stops trying, so this is me as her uncle, stepping in.

        ”Chimera, Hallie.”

        ”Chi-me-ra.” She repeats slowly, getting it right this time. I nod, which she must feel, as I am still holding her over the map. She weighs almost nothing.

        I see her small head bob up and down once with the determination that I know is in her heritage which comes from my brother, Hallie’s father. My older brother, two years apart, is the captain of the Arios. Commodore Thomas Porter. It has been a hard year for all of us, even without the war. But for my brother and Hallie especially, when Hallie’s mother Amy died. I don’t know how they coped, but both of them were determined to sway me about it when they came to me four weeks ago.

        ”I need to be at sea. You know... why.” Tom had said while standing at the window and looking out to the harbour where his ship lay in anchor ”And you know I got my orders. Admiral,” he had turned, adding my newly appointed rank to it ”I can’t actually go against the admiralty.”

        ”And now you are going to point out also that it's a war out there,” I had said bitterly. Not that the tone my  of voice had been anything to do with my new shiny gold braids on my sleeves but to my brother’s decision to abandon his daughter.

A sly smile had touched Tom’s face. He was still young, 41, he could marry still, but he and I both knew it would never happen. ”I will. If it helps you to swallow my decision.”

        I had glare at him then. He knew that he didn't need to go. Orders or not. He could have gotten a nice little office, and he would have risen in rank in no time. But he won't, and we both know why. His Blood was out there and it will get him killed eventually somehow. The hushed curse of our family and our name is not a long life band.

        A small snicker from the corner of my office had surprised me then and when Hallie’s voice had piped in ”Come on uncle Charlie. It would be fun. I don’t make any trouble” There had been a thump when she half jumped and half fell from the chair where she had with an effort, climbed. She had then walked over to her father, who had swung her in the air making her giggle before nuzzling her to his arm. As they had turned to me, Hallie had keeped her hand over Tom's shoulder epaulettes that were dim from the salt water and from use.

        ”Well, Uncle Charlie?” Tom had asked, mimicking his daughter’s way of using my name.           

        ”I will promise to be a good girl.” Hallie added and then they both had laughed like conspirators.

        ”I'll bet” I had muttered.  Dealing with my brother or Hallie by themselves was a one thing, but together they were a menace. Still, I had given in. After all, I got something too. Hallie. A daughter that after five boys had been a welcomed change.

        ”Excuse me, sir. A message from Arios” the WRENS words cut my reminiscence. The worry in the woman’s eyes and the hard line of her mouth colds my heart. I nod as I lower Hallie down and take the message.

        ”ENEMY AT … I'M ATTACKING. REST OF THE CONVOY WILL CONTINUE TO THE DESTINATION...” It says. Also, following the coordinates and dates etc.

        Over the paper corner, I see Hallie looking up at me, and I wish I could somehow say that it will be alright, but I don’t have the time. She senses the urgency and steps away when I give orders to my staff and watch how they move the tiny ships to their new places, leaving Arios alone as the group of ships she has been ordered to protect, leaves her.

        The efficiency of my staff is admirable. One of the WRENS is with Hallie and talks to her, probably trying to get her to wait somewhere else, but she shakes her head. I see how her tiny face is too severe for her age. The WREN gives me a look. If it is disapproving about bringing Hallie here, to the headquarters, and me being a lousy uncle. She does not know the determination of our family and Hallie. I have tried several times to leave her with my wife and my sons, but the last time, when my own designated driver personally brought Hallie here, I finally gave in. It's not that she does not understand the consequences, when I explained that she had put my driver in a bad position she defended him vigorously. And I could not blame my driver too hard. I have seen Hallie walking through guarded gates to the harbour without interruption. She just has this air around her that will promise to my brother a hard time when she grows up.

       I feel a nudge on my sleeve. Looking down, I see Hallie coming to stand beside me. ”Is it dad?” Behind her, I still see WRENS look.

       I nod, and I bend down to lift her up to see. ”Your dad goes to fight against bad men to save the Chimera and others.”

       Hallie silently watches the map. Her green eyes goes to her father’s ship and its position. For a second I almost explain to her how things really are, but then I caught myself. She’s just four years old.

        I feel how her tiny hands wrap around my neck and her strawberry scent fills my nostrils. ”Don’t worry uncle, my father will save them.” I hear her saying, giving me the confirmation, that she understands more than I give her credit for. My heart clenches tight in my chest from the fear of what that could mean.

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(*The Women's Royal Naval Service)

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***

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      The harbour area was a crowded and noisy place, bustling with the action of ships leaving at sea, being repaired or being loaded. But as my driver slowly drove on, and getting closer to our destination, it seemed to change. The noise stopped, or at least fell into the background. In here, there was a different kind of mood. Here, what was up ahead, was now behind. The relief, fear, desperation, joy had gotten a different outcome, and not all had survived.

     Two ambulances stood blocking our way when the driver turns to say over his shoulder. “This is as far enough that I can go, Admiral.” 

      Even though he said it in a steady voice, his eyes shifted quickly away. And I knew why. After hours of silence, not hearing a word from my brother or Arios, my staff had given me glances that told what they thought had happened, but this was far worse. This was confirming what they already knew but hoped desperately, like me, not to be true.

    I nod as I look at the small battered corvette. Chimera. The same ship whose name Hallie had trouble saying. Its rust and holes indicate the hard time it had been going thru and what it had cost to be here, but the men on its deck and gangplank were alive and moving.

     For a moment I did not see all that, but a note in my hand again and Hallie leaning over the map, staring at the iron-grey wooden block that distantly reminded their counterparts at sea.

     “I'm attacking,”

Those were the last words that Tom had sent and nothing after and that had been three days ago. A small chance that this would be just a bad dream was now over. Still, with hope, I turned my eyes to the piers and then to the open sea, but there is no familiar silhouette of the Arios to be seen.

     The small hand squeezed my sleeve, and I cleared my throat and look at Hallie beside me.

     “Maybe…” My driver started reading my mind.

     “No.” I shook my head and nodded thanks to what my driver had been starting to offer. That Hallie would stay in the car when I learned the truth. But I had gone through this already. There was no chance to leave her behind. She was more at home here, in these battered ships and men than playing with dolls. I had pointed it out to my brother that this wasn’t the right environment for a little girl, but Tom had just laughed.  

     “I know, but I lost the argument with her a year ago. If you can do better, let me know. Heaven only knows what she is going to be when she's older.”

     “A bloody pain in the arse, sir.” My brother’s engineering chief had intervened by wiping his hands and coming to stand nearby to wait his turn to give his report to his captain. “But she's the best boiler cleaner that we have ever seen.”

     A small girl, black from grease with too large overalls, had then come running, pumping to her father’s leg “Yeah, because I am small as a bilge rat.”

     I remembered how my brother had laughed when the chief had suddenly blushed at the girl’s rusty voice when she tried to imitate him.

     Tom had then turned to me, trying to be serious “There, you see? Even my crew knows it and can’t do anything about it.”

     The image vanishes when I hear Hallie say “Everything is going to be alright.” She sounded so old and wise. She would be turning five next week.

     I took her hand to gain some of her strength. She had not cried even once, but she knew. I had seen her staring at the map’s corner, where one of the WRENS had moved the block that was her father’s ship. "Missing in action, nothing confirmed.”

     Not until now.

     Taking a grip from the door handle, that feels icy cold against my palm, I push the door open briskly. If she could do this, so could I.

      The corvette looked even worse up close. The small information that had come through was that this the ship had got separated from the rest of the convoy. Early this morning it had been seen, pushing steadily on, but still, no radio connection had been established, and now, I could see why.

     Where there once been a radio shag, was now blackened rubble. Using only signal flags and lamps, it was only known that she was coming with survivors. 

     Before I could get the strength to step forward Hallie piped, ”There’s Alex!” and her hand left mine when she started to run toward the men who were coming down the small gangplank connecting the pier and the ship.

     “Hallie, wait!” I darted after her but was stopped by two men carrying stretchers. I saw how Hallie’s pale yellow dress vanished under it as the girl just ducked, not bothering to go around. Surprised yells from the men carrying the injured sailor stopped quickly as they saw my stripes.

     “Sorry Admiral, sir.” one of them said in haste, and I look down at their patient who is not my brother. From the carrier's faces and how quickly they moved from my path, they knew exactly who I am and why I was here.

     “Alex! Alex!” I hear Hallie’s clear voice shout and my worry turns toward her.

     I see the man whom Hallie is shouting at. Alex Marriot Arios’s master chief, is on halfway coming down on the gangplank leading the rest of the Arios's survivors behind him. He must have heard Hallie’s shout because he suddenly lifts his gaze to roam around the pier. Seeing the haunted look, slumped shoulders, and reddened skin that told severe frostbites the hope in me died as Alex's eyes sparkled from the relief and the shock that comes through the tortured look. I saw how Alex starts to push forward to get past the stretcher that is in front of him and the Arios’s men follow after him doing the same. When they get to the end of the plank, they stopped like hitting to a wall, and every man around them turn to watch.

     I saw Hallie standing there, looking slightly upward. She looks so tiny, but still shining like a beacon in her pale yellow dress amongst the dirty greys, blues, and browns of the pier, ships, and men.

     I saw Alex kneeling in front of her so that he can be at the same level as her and without hearing him, I know from the shaking of his head that he tells what has happened to Arios and her father. Hallie nods severely and then lifts her arms to hug Alex. I see how Alex hesitates a second, probably from the surprise of her act but then picks her up and squeezes her tightly. 

     Seeing me over the girl’s shoulder Alex puts her down and the men around them fan out like a protecting cape behind Alex and Hallie as they start forward.

     They come and stop in front of me. Hallie is keeping her hand up to Alex's and I can see the reason for it. The haunted face is now more relaxed, but not without pain.

     “She should not be here,” Alex says and his voice comes out a rough bark. There is an accusation behind the words.

     I sigh. It is a justified accusation “Is it true?” I ask and that made Alex sober from the sudden anger from protecting his captain’s offspring.

     “Arios went down in minutes. Your brother did not make it.” I saw how he clamps his jaw and words come out short. Men behind him move restlessly, but they stop quickly when Hallie turns to look at them like her presence eases their pain.

     The loss stabs my chest. The small hope that I had been keeping dies instantly and I don’t have the courage to ask for details so I just say “Thank you.”

     There is a somber hesitation in Alex’s eyes as he understands my feelings. He nods and says “We need to talk.” 

     I sense the worry and urgency in his words, but the warning that whatever it is, is not to be discussed here nor is for Hallie to hear. There will be, of course, a full investigation of what had happened and men will be interviewed, but from Alex’s demeanour this is Family business.

     I look at Hallie, who has been quietly standing beside Alex and then back to him. ”Are you in need of medical attention?” I look over battered men.

     Alex shook his head ”We'll manage” and even though he wasn't saying it, the words ”for now” hangs behind it.

     I nod but don’t take their word about it. I too have seen this war and its after-effects can be more deadlier than straight hits. ”You should get checked out and we will talk after.”

     I see how Alex disagrees with me, but he then takes the middle ground, ”We go to the barracks and we talk after an hour.” ”I will go with them, Uncle,” Hallie says and I open my mouth to protest when she continues ”I know where the barracks are, I will be safe.”

     Alex looks at me for a second but then says quietly ”Actually, she needs to come with us, sir,” This is the first time when he addresses me with the rank I’m holding and then continues ”That is what we must discuss.” and now I understand that there is something more to my brother’s death than I really want to know and its effects on Hallie.

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***

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     What Alex has told me, colds my heart. Twenty-nine men survived from Arios's crew of one hundred fifty, but on the pier, there had stood only twenty-five. By Alex's words, four had gone mad and just ended their own lives. Two of them, just walked over the Chimera’s edge after the rescue.

     What Alex knew to tell was how Tom had turned Arios against the enemy ship. After five minutes both ships had been on fire, and the enemy already half gone, when they had gotten a lucky hit on Arios, killing my brother. Arios had sunk in minutes.

    ”I felt it. We all did” Alex said and then confessed quietly ”I can understand those who ..walked over the side. I can feel them there too. Calling... ” He then shook himself violently and spoke once again with a normal tone ”Your brother did not suffer.”

     I understand that Alex tries to give my brother a peace. And soften the blow to me, but I had to ask,

     ”And Hallie?”

     Alex’s haunted eyes and frost-bitten cheeks relaxed instantly. ”She seems to help.”

    ”I don’t understand.” I was already afraid of what he was going to say. I had seen an inkling of it on the pier.

     ”The connection to her father seems to bind us to her now. Just thinking of her helps to concentrate other than ..the pull.”

     ”You are certain?” I ask.

     ”Yes.” Alex replies.

     Somehow, I was glad to get confirmation of it - not that I was surprised. She is Tom’s daughter, but we hadn’t been certain would it go like this. As far as we knew, the curse has always followed the line of the firstborn sons. At least Hallie would never be at sea. Not in the a way her father, or our father, or his father. But what would it mean for her? I did not need to see Alex’s face to know that he had been thinking the same.

     ”At least I'm glad for that.” I said.

     ”And I'm glad that the skipper died with Arios.” Alex says brutally, and it shocks me to almost react.

      I tried not to get up and strangle Alex. ”Why is that?” I clench my teeth so hard that it hurts, but Alex challenges my anger.

     ”Do you know what would have happened to him when Arios started to go? Do you think that men died easily, peacefully when the sea came in, knowing that you will suffocate, and that there is nothing that you can do about it?” Alex's questions hit hard ”Do you think he would have survived it? From going mad? What kind of father would have we been bringing back to Hallie?”

     The possibility of the questions shook me to the core. There was little that we knew about this part of my family history. Tom must have had an inkling, but we never had discussed it. All I know, Tom had only been concerned about Hallie and the arrangements had been made if he would not come back. 

     The thought got me alarmed ”Do you mean that Hallie will feel the pull too?! Is she in danger?” The thought made me stand up.

     Alex shook his head ”I don't think so. I don’t even know if she feels us like we feel her. But she is strong.” 

    ”Strong?”

     ”The link seems to be stronger somehow than her father’s, different” That got me to understand what Alex was really saying. That my family curse could be more dangerous to her than to my brother, who has just died. I see Alex chuckle. ”And on the pier she shined. Maybe I just imagined it, but she was like the sun after the storm.”

     "The salvation to a sunken," I say before I can stop it. The saying is too literal to this moment.

     "Yes, she's that," Alex says and lets out an ironic laugh. “She really is that.

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