1939

​

​

     I look at the lieutenant in front of me and the medal on my hand that I’m going to pin to the front of the uniform. The familiar face of Hallie stares back at me. She has not changed that much in 9 years. She could go for a young man with a too feminine featured face if I did not know her. How she has managed to hide her gender this far? I don’t know. I can see recognition from her eyes, but nothing else. 

     “Admiral?” My aide whispers from my side as I stand there still holding the medal halfway from its destination. She probably thinks I’m gone senile. 

     I clear my throat. I have already said the words, so all is left to pin the medal. I watch Hallie standing rigidly in front of me. So much looking like her mother and yet, at the same time, so much like Tom. I have read what she did...no, what Hal Ransome did. Hal Ransome brought a half sunken, still burning ship back to the harbour, after they had been surprised by an air raid, killing most of the senior staff. Lieutenant Ransome had even saved some of his crew members lives, making his effort to replace the doctor they never had. Severe burns, inhalations, broken bones... The list was longer than the list of dead ones, but they were all alive. And they said that the Brancher would need repairs, but would be back at war for just a couple of months. Hal Ransome, on the other hand, was going to be climbing in ranks and would be getting his first ship. Hallie, on the other hand…

     “Yes...” I nod to my aide and proceed to pin the medal on Lieutenant Ransome’s chest. I see the hesitation in Hallie’s eyes. Is it a surprise? She has no idea how angry I am right now and the concern that she has caused. The effort to try to find her. And the pure worry after the war started again.

     Half an hour later, I saw her. Him... I don’t know what to think of Lieutenant Ransome now, walking on the hall that leads out. She has been celebrated in full and she’s already leaving?

     “Lieutenant Ransome...” I say, stepping from the shadows near the door. I saw how she straightens her back even more, and I know she recognized my voice. The perfect turn that she makes, tells the navy discipline. Tom would be proud of her. I am proud of her.

     Her mouth corner twitches, which means she has seen thru my facade. It makes me angry. Does she think this is a game, so I repeat this time with a harder voice.

     “Lieutenant Hal Ransome,” I say her fake name in full.

     “Admiral, sir.” She salutes me crisply.

     “Where are you going, Lieutenant?” I ask. “Isn’t the celebration to your liking?” I so much want to ask the one question that burns in my mind. Has it already happened? Has our family curse already claimed her? Will she become like her father?

     She relaxes a bit, not so much that she is out of the salute. After all, I haven’t given her permission to stand at ease. “It has been a rough evening, sir.” She says and then hesitates. “I have men in hospital still, I thought I go to see them”

     I nod. “Very honourable” And my fear makes my heartbeat quicken. This would be something that my brother would do. This is also something that Hallie would do. It has always been our family way for centuries, to take care of those who serve under us, and their families. Like she all this time has taken care of her father’s crew’s families that were left behind. Adding the one more secret to our family’s past.

     She moves a little. I can see that she wants to break free from this charade that we are playing, but I don’t give her any indication to do that “And what happens to your men when you get your own ship”

     Her eyebrows furrow in front of the ordinary question and she starts slowly to say “Most of them are released from service, sir. I think. And those who still are able will be relocated where the navy wants them”

     The relief of her words makes me almost slump forward. I see her eyes search for a reason for my questioning but I don’t give her a chance. “Then I wish you all the luck, Lieutenant” I end our conversation.

    She hesitates, but then turns away and walks thru the door. I could have stopped her then. But I won’t. I don’t even go outside when the four MP’s*, that I have called, approach her. She stares at me thru the glass door when she turns around as the MP's handcuff her. When I turn my back to her, she knows that it was me.

​

(*Military Police)

​

 

***

 

     “How could you, dad!” John demands from me.

     All of my five sons stand before me. They have just heard about Hallie from Stephen, my oldest one.

     “Easily apparently,” One of my youngest, Thomas, says with a sneer.

     “Hallie is your only niece, dad!” David reminds me like that has ever dropped out of my head.

     “He would not do that to us? Would you, dad?” My namesake son, Charlie, asks first from his brothers and then from me.

     The silence finally steps in for a second when all of them turn to stare at me, I got my chance to defend myself.

     “It would have come out, eventually. How long would you think she could have kept the secret of being a woman? Wartime is a different thing than...”

      “She had managed this far,” My oldest son, Stephen, says.

     “Of course there were rumours, but..” Charlie says and stops in the middle of the sentence when I start to understand.

     “Wait, what do you mean, rumours? Does it mean that you knew? All this time you knew?!”

     Stephen, who doesn’t much flinch under my scrutiny anymore, steps in. “Of course, we knew that Hal was in the navy. You did too. You said it many times before. Why are you so surprised now when it actually is true.” But Stephen made a mistake too and I went for it.

     “Hal? Not Hallie?” I ask and this time boys at least have some decency to show remorse. I may be Admiral to him in uniform, but I’m still their father who knows them.

     Stephen sighs, finally confessing “Yes, dad. Hal.”

     “How long have you known?” I ask, not believing my ears that my flesh and blood has deceived me and from the shared looks, apparently a long time “How long?” I repeat my question.

     “Almost from the start,” Charlie says “But dad, you have to understand she was alright” My sons know about our family curse. They know about Hallie and his father. They know how worried I have been. They must have. 

     “Dad, you have to believe us. Hal really is alright”  

     Their reassurance makes it even worse. Because they don’t know everything. 

     Stephen, who seems to be in the lead, says. “You have to help Hallie.”

    “No,” I say and turn away from them. “It is too late” I hear exclamations so I lift my hand up as I turn toward them. At least they have the decency to be quiet this time. “If it is like you say. And I don’t deny it. I have seen Hal Ransome’s file. She will find a way to stay in”

     I see disbelief and accusation toward my words when Stephen asks, “And how is she going to do that?” 

     It’s the same question that Alex asks me later when I tell him about what has happened. He sits in my office on admiralty. I don’t have much time to be anywhere else now when the war is starting again, in real. I have poured us both the whiskey. I thought that it would be easier to tell him what I had done.

     “Do you think that she will never forgive me?” I ask and take a mouthful gulp of the golden liquor. I could see Tom disapproving of my actions toward Hallie, but he would never forgive me if I caused a rift between us. I still loved Hallie like my own daughter. 

     Well, I would have liked to see you raise her any better, Tom. I send a silent question to my brother’s ghost, but Alex is the only one who answers me.

     “How would I know? I don’t even know this Hal Ransome person,” He is still reading Hallie’s file. “Did she really do all this?” 

     I see that he’s on the page where Hallie’s own report and the crew’s reports are about the happenings in Brancher 

     “They say that she did. That’s why they gave her a medal,” I gulp more and say “I .. gave Hal Ransome the medal.”

Alex nods and keeps reading. I should not have given him that. It is classified. In the navy everything is. 

     “They would be stupid to let her go,” Alex says finally. 

     I have to agree that Alex is right, but there are other things at foot too. As soon as Hallie’s arrest came to light, Admiral Comfrey emerged, too. A nuisance of the man and the family. He is like a shark when smelling blood in the water, and he will appear. And he did. A long-lasting hatred between our families goes lord knows how far. I don’t even remember ever hearing the reason, but Comfrey’s have been on our backs for a long time. Unfortunately, my mistake was that I may have given Hallie to them on a silver plate.

     I notice how Alex is watching me closely. I still don’t know how much he knows but I still say “Admiral Comfrey will make sure that Hallie will be drummed out.”

     The curse and spat after it confirms that Alex knows who Admiral Comfrey is “That son of a whore” He says and I have to agree.

     “I agree,” I say as a smile escapes thru my worry. If nothing else I got Alex lost his calm coolness.

     “What are you going to do about it?” He asks.

     I lift my class nonchalantly. “If Hallie is drummed out, she’s safe. Isn’t that what we were trying to do? She’s not oath bound yet,” I say. “Maybe it would be a good thing.”

     Alex grunts and shakes his head. He leans forward and throws Hallie’s file in front of me on the table. “Maybe she’s not that, but we are still too late already. She has gotten salt in her. It is now in her blood. She won’t let it go without the fight.” 

     I don’t like what Alex says, but I know what he means. There is not a day that I don’t want to go to the sea again, but I made my decision when I married Annie.

​

***

​

     It’s two days later. At least I have to say that Comfrey moves fast. The board is gathered already to review Hallie’s case.

    “There is no justification for the deception of what Hallie Porter aka Hal Ransome did to the Royal Navy,” Comfrey says, speaking heatedly, his face somewhat redden from the excitement that he feels.

     “I don’t see much harm done,” The Rear Admiral, a grey-haired man almost in his 80’s, says as he lifts his gaze from Hallie’s files. He is leading this inquiry. Around the board, which consists of four other officers, goes amused murmurs to his words.

     I can see how Comfrey starts to huff and puff. In the middle of the room, in front of the board, Hallie stands rigidly in her uniform. She has kept her stare pinned straight behind the old Admiral’s shoulder.

     “That’s not a point,” Comfrey argues, agitated to the board’s amusement. “She is a woman!”

     “If all women are like her, she could easily replace you, Admiral Comfrey,” One of the board members says and now an audible rumble of laughter goes around the room, “I think she has pointed out to be a very capable young woman and can I remind you Admiral Comfrey that we are at war.”

     This time, Comfrey stayed quiet.

   I see how the old Rear Admiral leans forward, this time pointing all his attention to Hallie “Miss Porter...Lieutenant Ransome…” He hesitated but then continues. “I did knew your father and his father. I know who and what you are. Would you like to tell us in your own words, what you would like us to decide?”

     I hold my breath and I hear Comfrey’s intake of breath from the other side of the room where he is standing. To give Hallie any chance to defend herself does not fit for his plans.

    But what he does not understand is clear to me. Despite this being a polite question, coming from the old grandfatherly man, it is nothing but. That 80-year-old rear admiral is sharp as a razor blade. I feel Alex stiffen beside me as he too understands the hidden minefield behind the words.

     All eyes are now on Hallie. For a second she does not move, but then she looks straight at the old Admiral.

     “I am my father’s daughter, my grandfather’s granddaughter. I am next in line and I declare my heritage.” 

     “Outrageous! Preposterous!” Comfrey yells “Do you think that your family name grants you the right to be in the navy? If all, you are dragging them with you. How dare y..!”

     The old admiral turns his gaze to Comfrey who shuts up immediately “I don’t think lieutenant Ransome needs her family name to do that” He says meaningfully. “She is just stating her rights in bloodline that is significant to the navy, which is obvious to this gathering and we don’t deny it,” This time he turns back to Hallie “What did you have in mind lieutenant Ransome” Old admiral uses Hallie’s fake name again, giving a blow to Comfrey who bristles in his corner from anger.

     Hallie, who had until now kept her gaze on the old Admiral, turns her head to Comfrey.

    “A deal,” She says, and then turns her attention back to the board. “I will continue training as promised. If in three months I can’t succeed. I will resign. Without honour. I will publicly apologize to the navy and take the blame and the punishment that comes from it. If I another hand, manage those three months, I get to stay in the navy and get my ship and crew, like promised.”

     The old admiral makes a rumbling sound, but then turns to Comfrey “Would this please you, Comfrey?”

     “Why go thru the training at all? No one will ever serve under her..”

     “But that is not your problem. Is it?” The old man snaps.

     I can see Comfrey struggling. From the fear that he will come up with something that will stop this now, I stand up. “If lieutenant Ransome fails, I will leave with her. I, after all, was her guardian at the time when she joined the navy. Blame is also mine.”

     I see Hallie’s shoulders move like she wants to turn around and face me. I’m glad she can’t. I don’t know if I would survive that.

     The old admiral leans back and his fingers tap the tabletop once and Hallie stays quiet under the old Admiral’s scrutiny. He understands, like Hallie too, the weight I put on the scale so that she can stay, but also how much she can lose. How much our family can lose.

     Finally, old Admiral nods, “Agreed,” And I saw victorious glee in Comfreys eyes that does not go at miss from old admiral “I will remind Lieutenant Ransome that we are at war, and we don’t have the luxury to lose any admirals, or any man, or a woman.”

     Hallie nods stiffly. “Yes, sir.” I hear her say.

    “And Admiral Comfrey, this is not a time or the place for an old family feuds,” Old Admiral says like an afterthought before continues “Lieutenant Ransome will be held under arrest for the time being until her training starts,” He leaned forward to look to a man who has been keeping the record “This board is now ended.”

     As we watch how Hallie is taken away between two MPs, I hear Alex mutter, “What did you just do,” He shook his head. “To your earlier question, will she ever forgive you? That did not help it.”

     I sigh. “At least she still has an honest chance.”

     Alex lets out a laugh and surprises me when saying, “For that, and for making Comfrey eat his own plan, for now, I will buy you a drink, Admiral.”

     Later, I stand in front of the bars in a holding cell. I know that the door is open. The guard did open it for me, but I don’t have the courage to step in. I don’t even know how to begin or where to begin. I came here to explain and bring her something. I look behind my back where the sergeant sits, pretending to be writing. He senses my stare and raises his head from the paper. I clear my throat.

     “Is it all right for me to give something to the Lieutenant?” I ask.

      Sergeant hesitates and then nods “She’s only been held here, sir.”

     “Good” I turn back to the bars and saw Hallie watching me.

     I clear my throat again and offer the soft leather book thru the bars “I brought this. It’s your grandfather’s journal. I thought that..” There comes a sound of the chair scraping the wood and I look behind me.

     Sergeant has risen up and says, “I need... I have things to do. If you excuse me, Admiral,” And gives me a meaningful eye.

     I thank him silently and then turn back at the bars to see how Hallie has risen up too and has come to stand closer. She looks at the book and I move my hand toward her again, offering the book.

     “Look” I start, and then realise that we haven’t spoken in  years, except on that evening four days ago, and even then, it was Lieutenant Ransome whom I spoke “I..” I start and then it just comes out of me “Boys are mad at me, Annie disapproves and Alex..”

     “And Alex?” Hallie asks. I see the sparkle of interest in her eyes.

     “He actually bought me a beer. But just because of Comfrey,” I say and we both smile. She really is beautiful even though she has Tom’s crooked smile.

     “Good” She nods. “Should have figured that out.” And then she lets a deep sigh, and she finally takes my peace offering. “What’s in this? I haven’t seen this before. I thought I had gone thru the manor house’s whole library by now” She turns it over in deep interest. I look at her when she leaves it thru. The familiar fear starts to take hold of me. I clear my throat and she looks up.

     “Like I said, it’s your grandfather’s journal. He writes lots of things that I think you would be interested in, now when you are going to get your own command. ”

    The surprise shows on her face, but she does not quite understand what I mean. What Hallie’s grandfather, our father, wrote, is a lot more complicated than just notes from his time at sea. There are also his private thoughts. It is how I learned to know the curse of the oath that seems to follow us and what little Tom told me, but even we did not know all or still do. And I have never spoken to Hallie about it, not really.

    “I… just want you to be careful.”

    “I will,” She promises, but her words do not convince me, besides I know she can’t keep that promise. She’s too much like her father.

     “Could you at least even try?” I say grumpily, like I would say if it was her father standing there.

      She lets out a laugh. “I will.”

     Still not all convinced, I continue talking out loud for the first time about the actual fear “Because I can’t go thru that day again. I can’t lose my brother again. And you. I bloody promised him to take care of you and… “ I fell silent when she takes hold of my sleeve, squeezing thru it like she did all those years ago.

     “And it will be alright,” She says, seriously looking at me just like she did then.

     “No, no, it bloody won’t,” I almost sniff, but disguise my rising feelings to a grunt. “You are too much like him, and you will cause me trouble and I’m not going to pretend to be happy about it”

     She squeezes my sleeve one more time and then lets go. “Truly noted, uncle Charlie” She chides me, calling me again like she always has and I feel the warmth of her words.

     “Good,” I say promptly. “So, how have you been?” I take the first steps to reconciliation between us.

​

​

***

​

     I haven’t heard from Hallie for over two months now. Not after I found out that Comfrey wriggled himself to lead the training that she is in and that Hallie got a battered old destroyer that barely floats.

     Nothing, until now.

    I hurry thru the white hospital corridor. Nothing is alright. I have just gotten the word that Hallie has been brought here and she’s injured. The smell of disinfectant and sickness is all around me. Inside these walls, men are still dying, or are already dead.

     I see Comfrey coming down the corridor. He seems to be in a hurry. Comfrey is talking to his aide and one of the WRENS that must be his secretary. He does not look happy.

    “Why are you here?” I ask when he comes closer. My stomach is in a deep knot. If Hallie is dead, I don’t want to hear it from him, but I need to know something, and he is Hallie’s senior officer. At first, Comfrey does not even notice me, but WREN gives me a scared look that makes me raise my voice “Comfrey!” And I step in front of him and he finally has the decency to notice me.

     “No need to make a scene here, Charles,” I hate when he uses my first name, but for Hallie’s sake I don’t even bristle and he continues, “I don’t have time for you now. I have to go to sort this out. I told you that she’s not cut for this and she blew it a big time and now I have a destroyer missing.”

     “What did you do?” I can't help but snarl. I don’t believe a word he’s saying.

     “I did not do anything” He spread his hands with a sneer. “She did this by herself. A bloody Q-ship took her down. If she dies, it’s on her, not me” And I see red and take a step forward, but his aide, a younger lieutenant, steps bravely between us. I see how the WREN is white on her face, shocked at what she has just heard.

     “Go to your niece. She’s done for and I won. After this, your whole family will be wiped out from the navy’s records” Comfrey passes me as his aide still keeps himself between us, and then moves to go after Comfrey. WREN is still standing there almost huddled to the corridor wall. I can see she’s scared, probably me, but then she hesitates and steps forward.

     “I...I am sorry. If there is anything I can do..” She probably tries to mend what Comfrey did, but the words she says are wrong. They had to be, for my sake, and Hallie’s.

     I shook my head. I don’t trust myself to speak. She looks after Comfrey who is now at the other end of the corridor and she continues “My name is Mary Willard” She must see my lost look when she adds “Anything you need” It comes almost a whisper when she side glances to Comfreys direction and then she says “Nurses station is just around the corner” And then she too leaves me.

     I barely remember what I say or do at the nurse’s station, but I must have caused a scene because I’m firmly escorted by two guards to a doctor’s room that looks even more barren than the whiteness of the halls give away. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to wait for the doctor to come and tell me what I already know. That Hallie must be dead. She might have been alive when they brought her here, but now she must be dead or how else I would be escorted here. The waiting makes me ill and WRENS words play in my mind, so I sit down just when the door opens and the lean, dry-looking doctor steps in.

     “Admiral Porter?” He asks and I almost yell at him that -Who the fuck he thinks me to be- But instead I rose up and offer my hand that is, from some reason gone ice cold.

     “Yes, that’s me”

     The doctor introduces himself to be doctor Harrington, and he gives me a short handshake.

     “First of all, Admiral, your niece is alive,” He says, giving me the air that my lungs desperately need.

     “Alive?” I repeat just to hear that word that somehow had just moments ago disappeared from my vocabulary.

     “Yes” He nods severely, watching me, and I start to fear what he tells me next.

     “And?”

     There is commotion from the door, and the door slams open. “Where is the doctor? I need to…” I recognise Alex immediately. He seems more calmer than I feel as he keeps firmly holding on to a door handle, but behind him, I see familiar guards. He must have pushed thru the nurse’s station too.

     “Truly sorry doc, but he…”

    “It’s quite fine,” I say. “He’s with me.” And turn just in time to see the doctor's wondering look, but he recovers quickly.

    “That will be all, Roy.” And the guard closes the door. The doctor watches us both and then starts, “Why I did ask nurses to alert me from your arrival is because your niece's case is declared classified. But because you are in the navy and family, you have the right to see her. This is not a matter of civilians, Admiral.” He asserts his words to me like I’m the only one who would understand what he is saying.

    “I am the bloody navy and I’m her family, too. Why do you think I’m here?” Alex spats to the doctor, and then ignores the man and turns to me. “How is she? Is she..?”

    “She’s alive,” Doctor puts between and we both turn toward him. The doctor continues slowly, “You have to understand that I am bound to the navy law” He still means Alex, even when he speaks to me.

     I swallow. This is Comfrey's doing.

    “What can you tell us then?” Alex beats me to it and the doctor waits for a second before making his decision.

    “There is an indication that her injuries are several days old, but there hasn’t been any other injured ones brought to us and there must be..”

     I frown. Comfrey had said something about a destroyer gone missing. Did it mean she was a sole survivor? So I ask “From what port she was brought here?”

     Doctor crumbles, “That is just that. She was brought to us by two men, who soon disappeared. We found you, based on her identification card. She is listed as navy, but how and where she got her injuries, we don’t know. On that, you have to talk to that Admiral who was just here.”

    “But..” Alex starts, but I shake my head, the things do not make any sense, but we need to keep the doctor speaking. Alex understands my hint and we wait until the doctor continues.

    “She has three shots in her upper torso. The bullets fractured her collarbone, shoulder blade and nicked her lung, which makes her have breathing difficulties. Two shots went on her left leg and fractured her tibia. Not to mention cracked ribs and laceration and bruising. She had glass in her wounds, so she must have been close to the windows.”

     An extensive list of Hallie’s wounds makes us both stay quiet, but the doctor was right about what he said earlier. There had to be other survivors or dead ones, but where are they? Why would Comfrey be here if there were others?

    The doctor waits for us to say something but we don’t, so he moves to the door. “You can go see her, but she’s unconscious. I told that to that other Admiral too. She has lost a lot of blood, because of all the shots were thru and thru, but I am still amazed that she is even alive.”

     I stop at the door when Alex is already stepping on the other side of it to stand next to the nurse that has been waiting for us. “Your assessment, doctor. What happened to her? You must have seen similar wounds.”

    The doctor hesitates. “Yes, I have seen something similar. But I can’t tell you what happened. She is the only one who knows that.”   

     I thank him and step out of the door.

    The nurse escorts us to Hallie. She is the only one in the room from which I am glad. She lies on her back against the sickly hospital whiteness that makes me hate this place even more. The bruises and cuts on her face could be what the doctor told us, from the broken glass, but when Alex lifts her hand where it has laid next to her and shows the red, swollen knuckles to me, I don’t buy the explanation.

    Alex looks at me and we both understand without saying what those injuries mean. 

   “What do you think happened?” Alex asks, he, like me, tries hard not to take too hasty assumptions in any direction. 

   “The last part of the training included patrol duty. Whatever that doctor told us, I know it happened at sea. Comfrey said that she took against with Q-ship” 

    “So, were they boarded?” He sounds angry. “This is Comfrey’s doing,” He says and lays Hallie’s hand gently back to her side.

    I shook my head, not to deny it but trying to think, “He said something that he now has a destroyer missing. He must have been meaning Hallie’s ship Warlock,” I see Alex lift his gaze to me. 

   “Missing?” Alex asks “But not sunk?” I nod to confirm and Alex continues “Then who the hell brought her here? Some fishermen? But why would they know to tell anything about the attack?”

    There is a gentle knock from the room’s door and a nurse stands in the doorway with a dark bundle in her hands “Doctor Harrington send me to bring you these” She lifts the bundle toward our direction and I nod giving her permission to come in with her burden “He would have given these to that other Admiral that was here, given patients classification we had to save these, but he was in a hurry. The doctor thought that you might want them,” She explains as she lays the bundle on bed next to Hallie’s. She’s watching Hallie when she speaks from the habit of monitoring her patients, but for me, it feels like she’s waiting for Hallie to drop dead there and now.

    Suddenly, Hallie lets out a raspy sigh that shooks her whole body and makes my lungs feel her desperate effort. The nurse is immediately by her side. The raspy breath does not repeat, and she takes Hallie’s vitals and seems to be satisfied with what she gets.

    Before leaving the room she says speaking quietly “Don’t stay too long, she needs to keep her breathing steady” She hesitates. She must sense our reluctance. “Even though she’s unconscious, her mind is still there, living the moments of what happened to her. She does not know where she is. Just..” She hesitates. “..keep her calm and call if anything happens.” And then she is out, without me getting to express my thanks to her or toward doctor Harrington who just bent the rules.

     I turn to the nearby bed, where the nurse left the bundle and start unwrapping it. The clothes are the navy issue. Deep blue woollen overcoat, shirt, trousers. What makes me wonder is the lack of tears on them or the blood. These are not the clothes she was injured ruling out the theory of fishermen.

    “Someone took care of her,” I say and lift the clothes up and show them to Alex. The overcoat is too big for her and is missing her rank insignias. She must have been wrapped in it when she was brought here.

    The sigh from the bed makes us both turn toward it. Hallie moans and then opens her eyes. Her wandering gaze is without recognition. She’s heavy on drugs. She turns her head just a little and then her mouth moves.

    “..target..at…distance..1..3..” She licks her lips when her lungs need air with a painful rasp and we can’t hear the last number she speaks. She fights to continue. “..ele..vatio..n.." She wrinkles her brows as she tries to concentrate, but can’t get hold of it.

    Suddenly her hands contract and she tries to push herself up and we both stop her gently. She has no strength, and she does not resist.

    “Don’t move. You are in the hospital. Do you know where your ship is, your crew?” Alex asks.

    We can see how she tries to understand, but she’s too out of it. Sweat glistens on her forehead when she shakes her head, the desperate try to deny something, but then she relaxes and closes her eyes.

    Alex curses quietly and looks heart-stricken.

   “We need to find that ship,” I say. We need answers.

​

​

***

​

     Alex called me and told me to come to the manor house. Someone named Mary Willard is waiting for me there. The name does not say anything until in the car I remember scared WREN from the hospital.

     Why would she want to see me? But Alex had been adamant that I come. 

     Last two days I have been digging around Comfrey. He has been hiding his tracks, but he can’t be everywhere. 

From the harbour, I found out that Warlock came in there, but left soon after mooring. No one seemed to remember her quite well. Apparently, the crew kept a low profile, but someone had used Hallie’s pass to get thru the gates in and out. 

    So what Comfrey had meant by the destroyer gone missing, if it’s not Warlock, what it had to do with Hallie?

    I’m irritated by this distraction and it must show on my demeanour when I shake hands with Mary Willard. Her hand leaves mine and goes to her red hair, pushing the imagined strand of hair back to its place. She’s older than Hallie, but not much. Maybe five years.

     “I’m sorry. Why would you want to see me?” I ask, trying to be polite.

     Mary takes a breath and then gives a quick gaze in Alex’s direction who says, “You can talk to him, Mary” And from his words, I get the feeling that Alex knows her somehow.

    “Yes” She starts nervously still looking at Alex, but then she lets out a nervous laugh, and she turns to me “I don’t want you to believe that I’m a traitor or anything” And I understand her nervousness if she really thinks that by being here makes her that. 

     She has my whole attention now. “Why don’t you then tell me what this is all about”

     “I am sorry that I came here. I did not know you don’t live here,” She looks nervously around the library “When I saw you at the hospital and heard what Admiral Comfrey said. I know that you have been making inquiries. I knew I had to...” She does not make much sense still, and I watch how she hurriedly turns to her bag, which is on the chair behind her. She takes out a thick envelope from it. “Here,” She says and offers it to me.

    “What’s in it?” 

     She moves nervously, “All what you have tried to find out.”

    As she speaks, I open the envelope and take several files out from there. Leafing them quickly thru I see that almost all of them are stamped classified. She sees my wonder and says,

    “That… that’s why I wanted you to know that I don’t... I don’t do this kind of thing. And if this will gets me in trouble, I don’t care.”

     “Why then?” I ask. This definitely would get her in trouble.

    “Because of her,” She says. “Because lieutenant Ransome,” She says like it should be obvious, but I shook my head, still not understanding her. “Because of what she did to our family after our father died. How she helped. I hadn’t seen Lieutenant Ransome before until that day in the hospital. She had been the only name in the paper, amongst others. And you see... I have nine siblings and we did not always have enough clothes or food, but we elders took care of our youngest, trying to help out mom and even with charities we got, in the wartime it was hard. That year, when father died, Tommy, my older brother, had given his shoes to our younger brother so that his feet would not freeze. Of course, Tommy’s did. He..he lost three of his toes and he would have lost the whole leg if not for her.”

    Suddenly I remember “Your father, he was Arios’s chief engineer.”

    I see Mary’s eyes warm that I know who she is, but she hides her emotions quickly and gives me a smile. “Yes.” 

    “I’m sorry that I did not realize” She shook her head.

   “No, it’s nothing. “I just want to help her. She has done so much and seeing her lying on that bed like that..” Mary’s voice broke “You see, Tommy is in the navy now, as are my younger brothers. And I’m worried about them, of course. But Tommy says that I should not, as long as we have our guardian angel with us. That was what he calls her, not that Tommy knows that she is the one from whom the gifts came. That we used to call them..” She stopped and then quickly threw a glance at Alex “No one knows about it but me, and I won’t tell” Mary looks at me scared and then takes a deep breath gathering courage to say “They listed Tommy missing in action yesterday. Mom, can’t stop crying..” The large tear fells from Mary’s eyes and she angrily wiped them away. It was the reaction that I had seen many times in people. They would mourn later. “And I need to believe that there is hope. I need to believe like Tommy and others. When I saw her there, in the hospital... I know she can’t bring Tommy back, but she needs to be out there for the others” She squeezed her hands together and I offered my handkerchief where she can wipe the tears that she’s crying now for Hallie.

     I watch her and how she taps her tears away as my mind races. I hear a clink of glass and a second later Alex offers the glass with whiskey to the girl. “Drink it. It will help” And Mary takes a careful sip and even with that, she coughs. She’s not used to it.

     “Why don’t you sit down?” I say. She looks at me and I saw her hesitate. She does not trust me fully, not knowing what I do next, but she still does what I ask. “Let’s start with your brother. Tommy Willard, is it his whole name?” I feel Alex stare heavily at my shoulders. He knows where I’m going with this.

     “Tom Willard” She corrects me “No second name” There was a hint of defiance, but I won’t comment on her statement.

     “What was his last deployment?”

     “On auxiliary ship Jameson’s Pride.” 

     I nod and walk to the phone that is on the other side of the large library. I speak quickly to one of my secretaries and give her what she needs to find out about Jameson’s Pride, and she gives me confirmation that Jameson’s Pride is listed as missing. The war is moving rapidly, and we were hardly ready. I keep the line open when my staff finds more information. One of the things that I have made sure of is that the manor house has a secured line and I don’t have to worry about being overheard other than Alex and Mary. 

     Several voices speak in the background, and I know they found something. There is a loud crack that hurts my ear when someone lifts the speaker again.

     “You there Admiral? Brody here,” I hear one of the younger male lieutenants that I have asked, instead of my secretary, who answered the phone.

     “I’m still here.” 

     “I just heard from the RAF that they have seen Jameson’s Pride twice already. Apparently, it had never been lost. Our flyboys just missed her as a Swedish tramp. If she is that good at hiding, that we don’t recognise her, then she really has a good chance,” Brody tells me like it’s a joke. I remember him idolising the RAF and that he even tried to get there, but could not because of his bad eyesight.

     “I see,” I say. And think should I intervene in his enthusiasm now or later, but then I take a quick look behind me and see how Mary is listening to me even as she is staring at her glass. Maybe this can wait “Thank you, lieutenant Brody” I say and I hear Brody say this time seriously.

     “I hope this will help, sir” I lower the speaker without saying a word. Maybe Brody is not that lost cause as I thought. I turn around to see how Mary has risen up. She is white as a sheet. 

     “He is dead, isn’t he?” She says, and I realize that like her words in a hospital, mine too has painted the wrong picture.

     “No, actually. He is alright,” I say hurriedly and then correct “Well, at least Jameson’s Pride is alright. She was never lost. RAF just made a mistake.”

      I watch how she sinks to sit again and then lets out a laugh “That, sir... Is wonderful news, in so wrong way” And I can understand her meaning. RAF really has to do better if we are going to win this war. Still, I can't help but feel how envious I am of her relief. Hallie is alive, but far from clear waters.

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***

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     The library’s clock hits three o’clock, but I can’t stop pacing. Mary Willard had already left an hour ago. She will take the papers back and she will continue with Admiral Comfrey, for now. I promised to sort her transfer to my office as soon as she makes the request, but I can’t think of that right now. The only image that raises to me is how Alex is lifting Hallie’s hand, showing her swollen knuckles. I’m so afraid of the path of my thoughts that I start to think about Comfrey again. What he did. Bloody hell. And I have no clue what to do next.

     “We…” I hear Alex start and I glare at him.

     “This is your fault that this happened. All of it,” I say. Alex waits for me to continue so I let it vent out, what I have been expecting for some time now “You did let her leave. You knew all along her intentions, and you promised to find her. Did you even look for her? Hell, my sons knew. They knew exactly where she was and hid it from me, and now this,” Alex is too calm under my accusation that is full of holes that will turn against me “Well?” I confront him straight on.

     I can see that my accusations made a hit. Alex’s stoic face is hard, and then he sinks. Not a thing that I wanted.   “You are right. I knew. She came here after your fight” I see his self-blame that is not only his to carry “But you should have seen her, she was so...” Alex’s eyes bright from reminiscing, and I know he sees my brother, like I saw, but then the spark dies out “When you called. I started to fear that I had made the wrong decision, letting her go and when you came here, I was going to find her.”

     “Did you?” I ask.

     Alex lets out a laugh. “She’s quite determined when she wants to,” He continued. “I did saw her. I also saw that she was just where she belonged, where she should be.”

     Alex’s last words take away my spirit and I say “That’s what Tom would have said.”

    “That is what he would have done,” Alex corrects me, and then says, “She’s not a little girl anymore.”

     I sat down. “Still, it does not make it easier. I still worry about her. She’s the only thing that I have left from Tom,” I confess.

     “I don’t think the skipper could have raised her any better,” Alex says.

     “Well, that’s a relief “ And we both laugh, but then Alex goes serious.

     “I have to agree with the doc that it’s a wonder that she is alive”

     “Why is that?” I don’t question his statement. We have just cleared the air, and I know he does not mean it that he wished Hallie to be dead.

     “I have been thinking,” Alex says, but then stops and corrects. “I have been feeling...” He leaves the thought hang and I do understand what he tries to say. 

     I’m sure that my ears just perked up when he said that. “You mean she’s...?”

    “No,” Alex leans forward to lean to his elbows and repeats, “She’s not bound by the oath, but there is something. I can’t explain, but I think something happened after she was injured.”

    “Something that kept her alive?” I ask. 

     Alex grimaces at inaccuracy, but nods. 

    “So, something happened there,” I go after the thought. “But I don’t buy Comfrey’s word that she would have been surprised by Q-ship,” I say.

    “She might have. With that kind of crew,” Alex points out, and I still can’t believe that Hallie’s crew is formed from 238 prisoners that Comfrey loaded from the Navy prison and ferried to her.

     “If they did go mutiny,” Alex continues, I hear Alex’s voice that he believes it and I had to agree. Those men were put just where they least wanted to be. “That would explain Hallie’s injuries in her hands and face. She was attacked by her own crew and she fought them.” 

     “And then that Q-ship surprised them. Do you think those men would have managed to work together?” I nod, understanding. 

     Alex shook his head. “Warlock would have been to them like an open prison and Hallie, their only jailer.” 

    I try to follow Alex’s line of thought but stumble. “But Hallie was not shot by his own men. That we know. And you heard her in the hospital, she was conducting fire.”

    “They did not want to die, so she was their only option. That means that she was on the bridge. Maybe she got shot there.”

    “She would fight for her ship,” I say as the pieces start to make sense for a second. “But what then? They obviously survived. She was injured. They had their freedom. Why come here at all? Why try to keep her alive and then bring her back if their intention was not to go back to jail? The Navy won’t take that someone steals their destroyer, have they brought its captain back or not.”  

     “Maybe something that she did made an impact?” Alex says. 

     “Navy prison is not a place for people who will respect anyone. Besides, where they would take her? Regardless of her crew, Warlock is ours. She’s not some old tramp.” When I say that, it is one step from a lie. When I heard that Hallie had her, I smelled Comfrey all over it. 

     HMS Warlock was built in 1916 and laid out in 1917 and was one of the W-class destroyers, barely making our last war. She was damaged badly in the fight but had still stubbornly refused to sink and limped home. She had stood at the dockyard ever since. Her torpedoes tubes were dismantled, some of her inner parts had been salvaged to replace other ships. Still, she had kept herself floating and her big guns. From what I had seen in her records, Warlock was ugly as they come. Her class as a destroyer was the only thing that set her apart from naming her a rusty tramp. And like the other side of the coin, her six months younger sister HMS Warrick inherited all the beauty that the destroyers had, and the fame. 

     “What if they are going to sell her?” I ask suddenly. 

    “I hardly think that. She’s too big” Alex says. I’m not surprised that he does not dismiss my thoughts from the start. It only tells me what I have been suspecting all along, what kind of crew my brother really had.

     I lift my hand and point at him with my finger as my excitement grows. “Yes, she’s too big for that, but…” And I see from Alex’s eyes that he’s catching my thought. He too knows the Warlock’s history from what I told him.

     “...but for parts.” He ends my thought.

     I nod. “And whatever they did to her, to get her moving...”

    “...is still long from what she really is,” Alex says, again ending my sentence and I can’t stop grinning when he continues as he raises up. “They will be heading for a scrapyard. Those guys don’t ask questions when the navy demands parts. All they care about is the money that the navy pays. And with her condition and with her new wounds, no one will even think to suspect anything,” Alex starts to move toward the door.

     “Where are you going?” I ask, even with our breakthrough, we haven’t decided what to do next.

Alex stops “I may know some people who could know things,” He says and I understand that it is better not to ask “Before I will get them back and before we know what is going on, you, make sure Comfrey stays away from Hallie and that she does not do nothing stupid in a meanwhile. I’m not letting that man sink this family” With that he leaves. I’m glad that he does not blame me for this. 

     “Dammit, Tom!” I sent a curse to my brother. I’m glad that Alex is with me on this.

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